beside the silver sea

I love it here more than I can possibly explain to you.

I've never felt like I belong somewhere more than I feel like I belong here.

It's just so right.

I love walking out the doors of the dorm every morning and seeing what I see.

I love getting to know people better.

I love figuring out what day to day life will be like.

I love it here.

I love fitting in.

I love being a part of this place.

I belong and I love belonging.

I'm so glad this is my new home.

I feel almost selfish having this place and not sharing it with you.

I haven't made close friendships yet, I don't have a core group. But I think that's best. I don't think that's something to rush into. I think that takes time and should be a gradual process. I have friends, I have people to eat with or talk to or hang out with, and that's good enough for me.

Because I so belong here, I'm confident the rest will come.

And I'm thrilled.

that's the way i like it

Wow, the past two days have been crazy but really good. Tomorrow there's nothing on the schedule tomorrow until 7, Danielle doesn't come back until after 11, so I get to sleep in! Legit sleep in, no alarm or anything, for the first time in what seems like forever.  I'm really looking forward to it. I have two goals for the weekend: get somewhere to buy milk, and do laundry.
Anyways... yesterday was urban plunge. It was kind of sucky. We were battling against blackberries, holly trees and tons of Ivy on swampy property of rich people. But it was a good bonding experience and I got to know people in my advising class and our student leader a lot better. Then was perspectives, a dinner lecture about homelessness. My table group was really nice and the lecture was actually really interesting. I was on the phone with mom/grandma and missed out on the hypnotist, but I was tired and it was my first time alone in forever, so I took my pants off, hung out in the dorm room, read MLIA and went to bed early. I feel like it was a great choice.
Today I tried to get in to my mailbox and failed. Then I went to practice before my audition. I played the song really well and then not so well in my audition. But he didn't have us sight read and I did nail the chromatic scale. He asked if I'd played contrabass and if I'd be willing to, I said I'd love to, that I'd always wanted to and never been able to. Hopefully that will get me into wind ensemble, but honestly... I don't really care what I'm placed in. After that I had my meeting with my advisor. She's really nice but gave me the "are you the laziest person evvvver" look when she found out I took AP stats and three years of french but was signing up for basics in both. Whatever, ease myself in.
Then I met with my supervisor, my job actually sounds excellent and easy enough. It pays pretty well too and she's really nice. She loves Corvallis, wants to work at the MU at OSU and has an addiction to New Morning Bakery. Needless to say, I love her.
Then I took a nap before registering and did all that stuff. I don't know my schedule w/o looking at it, but I have music theory every day, lessons on thursdays, french 101 almost every day, stats 160 almost every day, music biopics m/w/f. My latest class (only once a week) goes to 4:20, my earliest class ever is noon. EXCELLENT. I'll have band at nights and will need to do my performance attendence as part of the music major. There were no cool english classes left when I registered but I'm getting my cores out of the way.
After registering a bunch of us from my advising class went with our student leader to Hello Cupcake in downtown Tacoma. We rode the bus and I met a guy from upstairs who was really nice and talkative, too bad I can't remember his name. The cupcakes there were AMAZING, pretty much a life changing experience and I felt like I really connected with some of the girls in my class. I had pizza with some of the girls from my passages group and am now watching the wedding singer in the lounge with a small group of people.
Overall, things are going well. There are still ups and downs but I think that's too be expected. I miss you and love you and will try and add some pictures of the BEAUTIFUL campus for you soon.
PS- my windows are open some, and it's raining, and it smells like Oregon and I'm so glad I'm here.

my roots go down

Passages was, in one word, wonderful. I started out entirely unsure about my group and my leaders. When we met for an hour that first day there was only 1 person I thought I could communicate, much less connect, with at all. I ended up sitting next to her roommate on the bus ride there (where we almost died, that's another story though) and she was really nice but not overly talkative so we both napped and appreciated the beautiful PNW. I ended up hanging out with her and Helen (her roommate and the girl from my group) during the overly enthusiastic welcome. Then we gathered and went back to our "tent-place" as our English major leader LoFo called it. Our leaders, Lauren and Megan, were amazing. I've never encountered people who are funnier than them. Lauren (LoFo) reminded me a lot of Ginger actually. Our group ended up bonding really well and really connecting. We had a blast together being "the awkward group". That night we did a dream circle under the stars (my idea) and woke up around 3AM being rained on, so we climbed into random tents and went to sleep. The next day we left for our day hike over an hour late, got really lost on the way there about 3 times, but eventually hit Dungeness Spit. It's this long narrow strip of land that extends out into the sound for 6 miles. We walked and talked and ate and got advice and reassurance and laughed and it was great times. There was a campfire the first and second night with HILLARIOUS skits by leaders and corny speeches that I, of course, loved. The second night I slept out under the stars and really let myself be reassured by the beauty of nature. That night there was a Hoe-Down, it was exhausting and crazy and dorky but surprisingly fun. The third day we napped almost all day and then did the Olympics because LoFo was leading it. My group got dead last in everything and I got sick trying to do the pie eating contest. I hate whipped cream, why did I try and eat a pie pan of it? We had our emotional closing group meeting and then went the campfire. At the end of it, a leader got up and told us The Lorax. From memory. Point a) I've never appreciated the story as much as I did sitting there, surrounded by some of the most beautiful nature I've encountered (I absolutely LOVE the sound!) and point b) that's my favorite book, and hearing it was the first time since getting here that I've known this IS where I belong. Afterwards my group walked out singing, all of us arm in arm with each other and our two leaders, said our goodbyes and got on the bus. Where the entire bus sang, it was like a more epic version of that Hermiston bus ride frosh year. I was in love and napped happily. So it was really good, it was comforting but challenging and I feel like I made some real connections. And I think I really needed time in nature. I'm spending a lot of time out on campus for that reason too, because it's so beautiful that it just calms you.
I got my work study job, I'm an info center assistant. I just scheduled an appointment with my supervisor, who seems really nice for tomorrow. I have books for the two classes I know of and will regester for my two other classes tomorrow after my meeting with my advisor. Tomorrow I also audition for placement into band. Exciting stuff. My roommate leaves for camp soon so I'll have the dorm to myself until about midnight on Saturday. Today I'm busy doing my perspectives stuff (urban plunge and a seminar type of thing), but these next few days would be a great time for a phone call or a skype date since when I'm in the room I'll have it to myself.
Anyway, I'm feeling excited for school again, and for that, I'm pretty relieved. Pictures soon to be posted on facebook.
Love you all.

It'll All Work Out, Eventually.

Don't take this the wrong way.

I love it here. This is my dream school.

I still find myself staring around amazed that this is my new home.

My own personal Hogwarts.

Practicing here felt so right. Setting up my bass clarinet was like yeah... this is why I'm here, this is how I got here, I can do this. When Dumbledore died, Harry still beat Voldemorte. So I definately can do this.

When doing all of the millions of things they schedule to keep us busy for 12 hours solid I have so much fun.

Just now, we did a crazy scavenger hunt and it was WAY fun.

But other times... I dunno...

I knew everything wouldn't be wonderful all the time.

I like my roommate a lot and we get along really well but, I feel like she doesn't really know how to live with someone. There's not really schedule compromise. There's not really "yeah, you can stay up on your computer and I can go to bed." There's "okay, let's go to bed." Hopefully that will change when we're both set in schedules with classes and homework and such.

And I'm not bold at doing things I think others might not like. I'm not good at saying "well, it's late, I'm going to go practice, I'll try not to wake you when I come back."

Just like I'm not bold at doing things I think are shallow.

I'm not good at the "I'll be super outgoing and invite myself into your already seemingly established friendship and act like we're best friends when all we know is we both live in the basement."

I feel like it's early enough where I shouldn't worried about not having established friendships, kind of like that's not really possible at this point. But it seems to be for most people other than me and my roommate. And feeling like I shouldn't be worried about it doesn't make me less worried about it, instead, naturally, it makes me more so.

It's not that I'm homesick. I'd just kind of like my own schedule, some privacy, some flexibility, someone to talk to, someone who knows and understands me, and the occaisonal hug.

Or that's how I'm feeling right now. My first spot of emotions.

I know these will come and go and I hope that this is all perfectly normal. I leave for camping in the morning and I'm chosing not to worry about my audition (Oh, and I guess back when I formally declared I'd be going here last spring Dr Taylor- the then band director- came into WE and was really excited to announce to the bass clarinet player that I was coming and they all know all about me and he's really excited to meet me. Audrey, the RA who lives next door to me and is a music ed major was telling me this last night, when she found out who I was).

I think having the next week apart will be good for us (my roommate and I) and I hope that once I get some sleep, I'll wake up in the morning feeling all better and not wishing a few of you were also going to school year for some support and general company.

I'll post Thursday hopefully.

I'm on my way

Not much to add to the most recent update you've read or recieved (see my facebook note). Met my advisor today, she seems really fun. Have started figuring out schedule stuff. Definately looking at the at least the English minor if not major, will go talk to the English department soon at the academic fair. Right now I'm just in the room with the roommate (who's reading the new twilight book...) but plan on going to practice soon to [hopefully] avoid making a total fool of myself in my audition.
Thanks for reading, next time it'll be more interesting!