It'll All Work Out, Eventually.

Don't take this the wrong way.

I love it here. This is my dream school.

I still find myself staring around amazed that this is my new home.

My own personal Hogwarts.

Practicing here felt so right. Setting up my bass clarinet was like yeah... this is why I'm here, this is how I got here, I can do this. When Dumbledore died, Harry still beat Voldemorte. So I definately can do this.

When doing all of the millions of things they schedule to keep us busy for 12 hours solid I have so much fun.

Just now, we did a crazy scavenger hunt and it was WAY fun.

But other times... I dunno...

I knew everything wouldn't be wonderful all the time.

I like my roommate a lot and we get along really well but, I feel like she doesn't really know how to live with someone. There's not really schedule compromise. There's not really "yeah, you can stay up on your computer and I can go to bed." There's "okay, let's go to bed." Hopefully that will change when we're both set in schedules with classes and homework and such.

And I'm not bold at doing things I think others might not like. I'm not good at saying "well, it's late, I'm going to go practice, I'll try not to wake you when I come back."

Just like I'm not bold at doing things I think are shallow.

I'm not good at the "I'll be super outgoing and invite myself into your already seemingly established friendship and act like we're best friends when all we know is we both live in the basement."

I feel like it's early enough where I shouldn't worried about not having established friendships, kind of like that's not really possible at this point. But it seems to be for most people other than me and my roommate. And feeling like I shouldn't be worried about it doesn't make me less worried about it, instead, naturally, it makes me more so.

It's not that I'm homesick. I'd just kind of like my own schedule, some privacy, some flexibility, someone to talk to, someone who knows and understands me, and the occaisonal hug.

Or that's how I'm feeling right now. My first spot of emotions.

I know these will come and go and I hope that this is all perfectly normal. I leave for camping in the morning and I'm chosing not to worry about my audition (Oh, and I guess back when I formally declared I'd be going here last spring Dr Taylor- the then band director- came into WE and was really excited to announce to the bass clarinet player that I was coming and they all know all about me and he's really excited to meet me. Audrey, the RA who lives next door to me and is a music ed major was telling me this last night, when she found out who I was).

I think having the next week apart will be good for us (my roommate and I) and I hope that once I get some sleep, I'll wake up in the morning feeling all better and not wishing a few of you were also going to school year for some support and general company.

I'll post Thursday hopefully.